Instead, she focused on her own healing with the help of a therapist , while her husband spent time in therapy separately. If both you and your partner want to take the necessary steps to heal from an affair, it can be done, but it's going to be a long road.
Here are a few important actions to take together that can help repair your relationship. This is the hardest step and will largely dictate whether or not you'll both be able to move forward. The answer largely depends on the motivating factors behind the affair. Where was the breakdown? What was it in our relationship that ultimately caused us to have an open door for someone else to walk into it? Having that insight in your relationship is going to be important.
But if the person who cheated isn't willing to be upfront about why it happened — or starts pointing blame, repairing things might not be possible.
Grant's husband admitted he was a sex addict and sought out therapy on his own to work through it. He had done everything he could to support me as I healed. If the affair is really, truly over, taking the physical steps to cut off contact with the person and set up boundaries is crucial to your partner's healing process.
Brandon Santan , a licensed marriage and relationship therapist practicing in Tennessee. What complicates things is that romantic love isn't the only thing that drives men and women when they fall for someone.
The drive toward romantic love : This is what makes us direct our energy to only one person. The drive toward attachment : This is the need we feel for security with a long-term partner that allows us to raise children with them.
And that's why people cheat. Fisher furthered the concept, writing , "We are physiologically capable of 'loving' more than one person at a time. There's an incredible amount of evidence that suggests humans are capable of loving more than one person at a time, which could easily lead to a sexual relationship with multiple people.
Thus, the birth of polyamorous relationships. Obviously, this doesn't make cheating right, but science says you can still be in love with the person you cheated on. It still doesn't make it hurt any less.
But at least now you understand the scientific reasons why cheaters can be truly genuine about the love they have for their partner, even while they're cheating with someone else.
Your needs are being unmet, so you go looking for that satisfaction somewhere else. This isn't how you deal with a lack of intimacy in your relationship. Instead of seeking out intimacy elsewhere, talk to your partner to discuss your needs, and what they can do to bring that satisfaction back. Neglect in a relationship means feeling ignored or unimportant, when you don't feel like a priority anymore.
Some people seek out attention from another person if they aren't getting it from their partner. Both partners need to give each other attention; otherwise, it can be extremely damaging for your relationship.
Men need to know their efforts don't go unnoticed, while women need to feel understood and appreciated. If you aren't getting the attention you want, communicate it to your partner. The findings stated that 50 percent of participants with the longer variant of the gene had cheated on their partner. Researchers also found that people with the longer variant "were more likely to be risk-takers, and displayed addictive traits.
This suggests that people cheat on the one they love for an adrenaline rush that releases dopamine the happy drug.
I know people "make mistakes. Of course, some relationships can survive this kind of indiscretion and even potentially become stronger for it. However, infidelity may just be an indication that things should have ended long ago.
I should probably note I'm not a saint when it comes to relationships. In fact, I'm a notorious cheater. I believe that my past urge to cheat comes from never really wanting to commit to a relationship — but still selfishly wanting all the benefits of having one.
As Dr. Susan Edelman , board-certified psychiatrist and author of Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women , previously told Elite Daily, "There are many psychological reasons why a person has the urge to cheat , but the best explanation is one that Bill Clinton used in explaining his affair with Monica Lewinsky.
He said he did it 'because [he] could. In my bizarre and dreadfully muddled dating history, I was the glutton who wanted to have her cake and eat it, too. I'm a people pleaser and extremely anxious person so it's really hard for me to advocate for some of my needs. When I cheated, it became extremely obvious to both of us that they weren't being met, and just wishing that away wasn't going to work. We both had to work on them.
We check in on each other more, we make time for each other now, we go away together a couple times a year alone, we grocery shop together every Sunday. It sounds corny, but it makes a difference. We're like a team now, whereas before we were just two people who happened to live together. It's a clear violation, and like any violation, you have to deal with it, you can't just pretend it really wasn't that big of a deal. Do you have any advice for other people coming out of this experience?
You've got to be always communicating that with your partner or your needs will go unmet, and that can create an environment in which cheating is more likely to occur.
You can't ever control or be responsible for someone else's behavior—it's madness to try. If someone wants to cheat, they will.
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